Worthy

Today this is where I'm starting because it's the least stressful item on my to-do list.  I have a big lecture exam in Bio 111 tomorrow. I have a big lab practical in Bio 111 tomorrow, as well. For all my efforts to let go of perfectionism, this is the kind of week I struggle with the most. Intellectually I know I just have to work hard and let go, but I have goals that depend on how well I do in classes like Bio.  If I want to be accepted into a nursing program a B just won't cut it. This is a tough concept for a recovering perfectionist.  In some moments I feel overwhelmed with the sheer volume of information that I need to learn. It can be difficult to move forward. In other moments I think I've already spent so much time on trying to learn everything that deciding what to do next becomes an enigma because I don't know what will be the most valuable. 

I know I will figure this out. I felt similar before the first test, but it was smaller, and on easier concepts, I worked hard and got an A. This is a  like so many things in life. It's relatively easy to not be a perfectionist if your opinion is the only one that matters, it's a lot harder when your work will be graded and used to demonstrate not just your proficiency, but also quite possibly your worth, at least in this  capacity. 

There is the bottom line, the thing to remember. My worth doesn't come from my grades any more than it comes from having a clean house, or a small butt (never have, never will). My worth is intrinsic. In the end I will get it all done, or not, I will pass with flying colors, or not, but my worth won't change. I won't be defined by my successes or my failures.  My worth is already established, this test won't change it.