My English text says that we write to discover what we have to say. I hope this is true as I wonder if what I have to say means anything. Of course the person it means the most to is me. I'm learning a little bit more about myself every time I sit and contemplate what I should share, whether it's here on the blog or in the discussions we have in class.
This week has been a little easier than last week. I've made myself go to bed earlier. I watched an episode of a favorite show. Today I took kids to the park, instead of starting on my Bio assignment. If I let myself I could become totally obsessed with all that I have to do. What I've decided to do is to let go of the obsession and shoot for consistency. Hard, I know! I think being consistent is always going to be harder for me than being obsessed. If you've ever been obsessed with something you know as well as I that it brings fabulous short term results, exhaustion and burnout relatively quickly. I'm here for the long haul, this is going to take 4 years. I can't afford to get burnt out, and I can't live the rest of my life if I'm always exhausted, and if I get right down to the heart of the matter I'm doing this to enhance the rest of my life. Not to replace it, not to overwhelm it, not to forget about it, and certainly not to hurt it. I know that things will have to change in my day to day routine, but some of those changes are long over due. I've read enough novels for a life time. It's OK to replace those with textbooks for a while. I've watched way more TV than is probably healthy. I can check out discussion boards for a while instead. The time I have available now is precious, so I'll spend it on precious things, like outings to the park, conversations with teenagers and family dinners. The old stand-byes are still going to be there when I finish,and even when I'm desperate for an alternate reality for an hour, but if all goes as planned I'll have other things to do with my time after I'm done with school.
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